Eva's Emotions

Evangeline is our snuggly, touchy-feely, girl. She always has been. I don't know if this has a connection, but she is also our child who has the hardest time expressing herself and her feelings verbally.

Last week Evangeline attended her monthly Girl Scout troop meeting. Matt took her. When they returned she went upstairs to take a shower for school the next day and Matt told me she had been crying on the way home. He asked her what was wrong and she kept saying "I don't know" and then crying even harder.

 Matt said her troop leader had mentioned she was very distant at the meeting. I wasn't sure what to do. I thought about this for the few minutes she was in the shower and soon she was downstairs in fresh pajamas to get her hair combed before bed.

Me: How was scouts tonight? (very nonchalantly asked)

Eva: Good.

Me: Did you like petting the dogs?

Eva: Kind of. It was kind of boring. We just learned about dogs and then pet puppies.

Me: Puppies?! That sounds fun to me!  Were they cute?

Eva: Yeah.

Me: Were you afraid of the dogs at all?

Eva: No.

I realized I was going to have to steer this conversation to what I was really asking.

Me: Daddy said you were feeling a bit sad on the way home? Can you tell me about it?

Eva: No. I don't know.

Me: Why were you crying?

Eva: I don't know.

Me: Was someone mean to you? Did a girl do something mean or hurt your feelings?

Eva: No.

Me: Did anything happen that you want to tell me about?

Eva: No.

At this point I am totally at a loss. I don't think she's hiding anything - I think she really can't articulate what was upsetting her.  My mind races. And then, I feel it. Or maybe I think it. But really it's neither because what really happened was that God gave me the direction I needed, right when I needed it.  It came so clearly into my mind how I could help little Eva put words to her feelings.

Me: How about we do this. I will say a feeling or emotion and if that's what you were feeling you can say yes and if not you just say no. Would that be okay?

Eva: Okay.

Me: Scared?

Eva: No.

Me: Shy?

Eva: No.

Me: Lonely?

Eva: No...wait, what does lonely mean?

Me: Lonely means you feel all by yourself, even if you're around other people. And that makes you sad.

Eva: Yes. That's what I felt. Lonely.

And then it all came out.  She has a friend from her school class in her troop, but that's her only friend.  But that friend has many other close friends in the troop.  So on that night her one friend was playing with the other girls.  Evangeline just stood alone when the other girls were playing.

Me: I have a great idea.  How about we set up a play date with some of the girls from your troop.  Then they will get to know you better and you'll have two friends in scouts. Then we'll do more play dates until there are more friends.

Eva: I don't think that's going to work.

Me: let me tell you a story. When I was exactly your age (6 or 7) we had moved a lot of times. We kept changing houses and changing schools and changing Wards (congregations).  We had just moved again and I had no friends. I was very lonely.  My Mom set up a play date with a girl from our Ward who I had never met. My mom dropped me off at her house for a play date. By the end of the afternoon we were like best friends and I stayed friends with her for years and years. All the way through High School and I'm still friends with her now.

Eva: Is that a true story?

Me: Yes. Her name was Kara Mitchell.  And, in fact, in 2 weeks you get to meet here. She is coming to Philly from Colorado and we are going to have a grown-up play date.

Eva: Wow! Okay!

Me: Can you think of one girl in particular you want to be better friends with from your troop?

Eva: Lily.

Me: Well I will get a hold of Lily's mom and we will arrange a special play date.

Eva: Thank you, Mom.

Then I gave her a big hug and told her how special she was and how wonderful and fun and loved. She went off to bed happy.

I have felt like I am always seeking council from God for help in being a parent. I try and follow the Spirit and teach my kids well.  But I don't remember a time when His help came so clearly and I felt it so strongly, guiding me.  HE knows how to reach Eva, even when I don't.  HE knows her heart even better than her Mama.  He loves His children. of that I am certain.