Big Things are Happening.

This past weekend was the Girl Scouts of America Camporee.  This was a three day event for Ella and a one day event for Evangeline (since she is a Daisy).

Evangeline would be driving up on Saturday morning and spending the day doing crafts and singing camp songs.  Ella was set to drive to the camp on Friday night and spend the night in a tent. Spend all day Saturday there and sleep over again, arriving home on Sunday afternoon.

(Insert picture of Evangeline here. Why don't I have any? Sorry, Eva.)

Of course, I was highly doubtful that our little Ella would be able to handle this trip with her anxiety.She never mentioned being nervous once.  She begged me to pack her duffel bag every day for 8 days leading up to the camp.  I kept waiting for a meltdown or some tears. They never came. I dropped her off at the carpool point, she waved goodbye and ran to be with her friends.  It started raining just as a pulled away from the drop-off.  Sleeping in a tent in a storm? I felt sure I would get a middle-of-the-night phonecall from her Troop Leader. But it never came.

We picked her up on Sunday afternoon, dirty, smelly and happy.  I wish I could figure out this Generalized Anxiety Disorder thing.  It's just so hard to predict, but I'm just glad she did so well.

Bianca suddenly started "getting it" this past week and we have now been 6 days without accidents and dry at night.  I am so relieved.  I am still pretty vigilant about making her go to the potty before we leave the house and twice during church, but she's doing great!

Bianca also moved to her Big-Girl bed last night and up into the Girls' Loft with Ella and Evangeline. I made her repeat the two rules about five times. (1) NO talking (2) NO getting out of bed.  

Before I went to bed around midnight I went to check on her. Clothes removed, blanket on floor, horizontal across the top, pillow for a blanket.  But she made it through the night and loved being upstairs with her girls.

Jude is eating stage 2 foods like a champ.  He is also sitting up for long periods of time, although he is still at the point where if he loses his balance he might just slowly fall in the direction like a tipping oak tree. he is SUCH a charmer at church. This kid loves people...especially women with jewelry. The ladies all fight over who gets to hold him and I swear I hardly touch the kid for the three hours of Sunday service.

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Girl Scouts Camporee

This afternoon we packed furiously. A large, black, duffel bag with huge letters written along the top in Sharpie marker: AHERN.  Each component that went inside was zipped into a gallon zip-lock and labeled with name, troop # and contents.  Then, at 5 o'clock I drove Ella to a meeting [point and dropped her off to carpool to Camp Laughing Waters to attend her very first Girl Scouts of America Camporee.

She was really excited as she wore her Troop-made, huge M&M sweatshirt over pink sweat pants.  She carried a dolphin pillow pet, a sign of how young she is as she spends the night away from home for the first time.  She will spend both Friday and Saturday night at camp.

Tomorrow morning we drop Evangeline off for the day-long trip to camp.  Much less packing, but the same excitement.

I hope they both have an amazing and memorable time, with no anxiety or tears.  We will be sleeping with our phone by our beds for the two nights Ella is away.

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Recipe: 3 Ways to Caramelize Onions

Caramelized Onions are divine.  Sweet, rich, filled with umami. You can add caramilzed onions to dips, sandwiches, homemade pizzas, soups, burgers, on toast, stirred into scrambled eggs...anything!   But they take some work.  Here are three ways to make them so you can choose the method which best suits your needs. You can easily freeze leftover caramelized onions to use at a future date.

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ON THE STOVE TOP

Makes: 1/2 - 1 cup

4 cups chopped onion (2 large onions)

1/2 tablespoon butter, melted

1/2 tablespoon olive oil

kosher salt (pinch)

freshly ground black pepper

- Melt the butter and oil in a large frying pan over medium-low heat.

- Add the onions, and let them cook, stirring rarely, until they are deep golden brown and caramelized, about 45 minutes. Season well with salt and pepper, remove from the pan, and let cool.

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IN THE OVEN

Makes: 1/2 - 1 cup

4 cups chopped onion (2 large onions)

1/2 tablespoon butter, melted

1/2 tablespoon olive oil

kosher salt (pinch)

freshly ground black pepper

- Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place onion in a heavy dutch oven and toss with butter and olive oil. 

- Cover pot and cook for 1-1 1/2 hours, stirring every 20 minutes, until a caramel brown color. 

- Remove from oven and set aside to cool.

Tip: You might want to decrease oven temperature after about 45-60 minutes to 350 degrees, and start stirring every 15 minutes to avoid burnt edge bits.

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IN THE SLOW COOKER (4-quart to 6-quart)

Makes: 2 - 3 cups

3 to 5 pounds yellow onions (4 to 5 large onions)

1-1/2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

1-1/2 tablespoons melted butter

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

freshly ground black pepper

- Peel and thinly slice all of the onions into half moons. Transfer all the onions to the slow cooker — the slow cooker should be half to three-quarters full.

- Drizzle the olive oil or melted butter and the salt, if using, over the top of the onions. Toss to evenly coat all the onions with a thin glaze of oil.

- Cover the slow cooker and cook for 10 hours on LOW. If you're around while the onions are cooking, stir them occasionally — this will help them cook more evenly, but isn't strictly necessary. After 10 hours, the onions will be golden-brown and soft, and they will have released a lot of liquid.

- Move lid so it's ajar. Continue cooking for another 3 to 5 hours on LOW. Leave the lid ajar so the liquid can evaporate. Check every hour and stop cooking whenever the onions look and taste good to you.

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TO STORE

Store onions in fridge, covered, for up to one week.

Store in freezer in airtight container with lid (or a ziplock freezer baggie) up to 6 months.

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0

Scattered

Another scattered blog post. Maybe this is my new self. Always running like a chicken with her head cut off.  Today I am a chicken stifled by morning sickness and I am allowing myself to skip playgroup and lay on the couch and moan quietly.

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Easter morning was a disaster, which included me almost lighting the house on fire by accident, screaming at my husband, and a lot of pregnancy-induced sobbing while sitting on the couch in my undies.  By the time church time came (at 1:00 pm) I was adamant: Okay, LDS church service, it's all up to you. You've got three hours to turn this day around and make me feel connected to God on this Holy holiday.  It worked, of course.  

I was particularly inspired by a talk given by my friend Mindi's husband.  He mentioned that often we think of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ as just a way to overcome sin. But it's so much more. It is also a way to know that we are never alone. That Christ felt all things we feel and that His sacrifice provides comfort and hope, not only freedom from sin. Amen, Brother Bunker.

( painting by Brent Borup )

Evangeline was assigned to give a talk in the children's group (Primary) and she gave the sweetest talk about Easter and the sacrifice of the Savior.  I didn't write her talk or feed her any lines. She stood tall in front of her peers and told them the story of Easter.  That even when Jesus hung on the cross, He asked God to forgive the men who stood below the cross, mocking him and selling his robe.  it was lovely and I was so proud.

After church I was back to happy.  We ate dinner, Skyped with the grandparents, talked with each other and finished watching The Ten Commandments, which we had started that morning.

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Yesterday Matt stayed home from work sick and the girls were off school for their one day of Spring Break (stupid snow days). The girls played outside with their neighborhood friends while I got a list together of things we needed to buy for Ella's Girl Scout camping trip this weekend.  While playing, Bianca pooed in her panties. Ugh! When will it end?!  I have moved past loving understanding to angry frustration about this panties-pooping.  She is not having "accidents" anymore, she is choosing to not bother going to the potty and that makes me crazy.

In the afternoon we dyed Easter eggs. Of course we had planned on doing this on Saturday or Sunday, but it didn't happen so we got to stretch out the Easter fun for an extra day.

Later we hit up Target to get her things and ran a few other errands. Then we grabbed dinner and dropped her at her Scout Meeting.

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This morning the girls gave Jude a graham cracker while he was in my bed with me.  He loved it and was so cute, but now I'll be washing all of the sheets and pillowcases today.  I kind of forgot what slobbery babies can do to graham crackers.

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The Bumble Bee baby shower I threw last weekend went great!  I was especially excited about the cake. 

I saw this cake pan made by Nordic Ware for $40 online when I was planning Bianca's bee birthday, but didn't buy it because of the cost. The very next week I found the pan at Goodwill for $1.50!!! The recipe for the Lemon and Honey cake comes with the pan, but I had to find it online here. It was delicious!!  I'm thinking you could totally make this cake in a different pan. I'm going to try it because it was awesome.

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Thoughts on Comparison

May I take a moment to write about something I have been thinking a lot about lately?

Comparison.

Recently my husband shared with me that there is a woman in our church (don't worry, I have NO idea who it is) who stopped reading my blog recently because it was making her feel inadequate.  It made me feel bad. I wanted to find out who it was (although I wouldn't) and hug her and say to her that my house is a mess, my bedroom floor is covered in unfolded laundry that recently broke the fall of Jude as he rolled off the bed (this is why being messy is so handy) and that I am largely a mess.

I try and be brutally honest on my blog about real life and our family's trials and shortcomings (see this post from a few years back), but the fact remains that BlogLand is a place of magnification.  Highs seem higher and lows seem lower. Others' talents seem unattainable and our own talents seem diminished.  Although I am fully aware of this, I am guilty of the same assumptions that what is on someone's blog is an accurate representation of an entire life.

It is not.

And, as I have contemplated this concept this week, I have realized that (for me anyway) what we see as perfect in others lives is what we feel inadequate in.  When I read blogs or Facebook posts of women I know - I assume that the writer's house is in perfect condition.  It's my first assumption.  Because that is an area of MY life in which I feel completely inadequate.  In fact, I feel like a failure.

When someone sees my blog with a crafty item I made or a designed print for my Etsy shop, they may feel like I am doing it all. As if I somehow cover every base in life and THEN also have time to create.  Not so.  None of us can cover every base. Ever. If you see my CRAFTING base covered, it means another base is left alone and perishing.  And the base is probably covered with dirty laundry.

This reminded me of a talk by Elder Uchtdorf (Oct 2011 General Conf....read the whole thing...it's awesome).  In it he said,

"I want to tell you something that I hope you will take in the right way: God is fully aware that you and I are not perfect.  Let me add: God is also fully aware that the people you think are perfect are not.

And yet we spend so much time and energy comparing ourselves to others—usually comparing our weaknesses to their strengths. This drives us to create expectations for ourselves that are impossible to meet. As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts because they seem to be less than what someone else does.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

It’s wonderful that you have strengths.

And it is part of your mortal experience that you do have weaknesses."

I don't mind that a woman from my church needed to stop reading my blog, but I do want her to know that I am succeeding at some things and miserably failing at others. I am trying to be better at the things I fail at, but I may never get there.  And maybe you're there already.  Know that, whoever you are, you are succeeding at a great many things!  Things I only dream of succeeding at. It may not seems as glamorous as a hand-designed Valentine, but may be even more important to the happiness of your family.  That thing you are far better at than I am is a talent you have been given from God to help make the world a better place.  Something you were born to do.  

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Happy Easter + Classic Bonka

1

Brave Women | Diana Nyad

I shared this video recently that makes me cry every time I see it. Despite my tears, I realized I am not totally familiar with each of these amazing women's stories. So I decided to share them here in case you weren't familiar with all of them either. I will just give a very brief overview and then provide links where you can get more information on these inspiring women.  I plan on sharing these stories with my daughters.

DIANA NYAD

Diana Nyad is an American author, journalist, motivational speaker, and long-distance swimmer.

1974: In June 1974, Nyad set a women's record of 8 hours, 11 minutes in the 22-mile Bay of Naples race.

1975: At age 26, Nyad made national headlines by swimming 28 miles around the island of Manhattan in just under 8 hours (7 hours 57 minutes.)

1978: At age 28 she first attempted to swim from Havana, Cuba to Key West, one year after the Kennedy-era travel restrictions were lifted. Diving into the ocean at 2PM on Sunday August 13 from Ortegosa Beach (50 miles west of Havana), she swam inside a 20 × 40-foot steel shark cage for nearly 42 hours, before team doctors removed her during the 7 o'clock hour on the morning of Tuesday August 15 due to strong Westerly winds and 8-foot swells that were slamming her against the cage and pushing her off-course towards Texas. She had covered about 76 miles, but not in a straight line.

1979: In what was to be her last "competitive" swim on her 30th birthday (August 21–22, 1979), she set a world record for distance swimming (both men and women) over open water by swimming 102 miles from North Bimini Island, Bahamas, to Juno Beach, Florida (without the use of protective shark cage). Thanks to favorable winds and a following sea she averaged 3.7 miles per hour and completed the swim in 27 and one-half hours.

On July 10, 2010, at the age of 60, she began open water training for a 60-hour, 103-mile swim from Cuba to Florida, a task she had failed to finish thirty years previously. When asked her motivation, she replied, "Because I'd like to prove to the other 60-year-olds that it is never too late to start your dreams."

In August 2011 Dyana made her second attempt to swim from Havana, Cuba to Key West.
She failed.

In September 2011 Dyana made her third attempt to swim from Havana, Cuba to Key West.
She failed.

In August 2012 Dyana made her fourth attempt to swim from Havana, Cuba to Key West.
She failed.

In August 2013 Dyana made her fifth attempt to swim from Havana, Cuba to Key West. She was accompanied by a 35-person support team, swimming without a shark cage, but protected from jellyfish by a silicone mask, a full bodysuit, gloves and booties. At approximately 1:55 pm EDT on September 2, 2013, Nyad reached the beach in Key West, about 53 hours after she began her journey.

*To read all posts in my BRAVE WOMEN series click here.

1

Book Report : March 2014

The Book Thief
by Markus Zusak
★★★★★

I really LOVED this book. I think it was very helpful for my enjoyment of the book to know ahead of time that the narrator is "Death". His narrative voice is wonderful and interesting and well-written.

The story itself is excellent (and sad). I was engaged from start to finish.

I really enjoyed the main character's interactions with (and subsequent character development of) her adopted parents, particularly the mother-figure.  This is wonderful, multi-faceted, character-writing at it's best. A character who you find very unlikeable at first, changes over time to a very complex individual with their own way of getting through life and coping with tragedy.

3

Jude | 6 months

Jude had his 6 month check up this week. His stats are kind of hilarious (see below). He is so sweet, but kind of temperamental. he is always happiest in the morning and wakes up ready for fun. This is not Mommy's favorite. She just wants to stay in bed and snuggle Jude, but he is ready to PLAY! This produces eye-poking, hair-pulling and general madness.



Height:
25-1/4" (75 percentile)

Head:
17-3/4 (75 percentile)

Weight: 
14 lbs. (3 percentile)



Loves: 
- His sisters.
- Watching mommy cook dinner.
- His exer-saucer.

Hates: 
- Sleeping on his back
- Chicken Noodle baby food. He actually gagged and then shot me the stink eye for the rest of the day.

Quirks:
- Has started sleeping exclusively on his tummy.
- Put his hand on someone's face only if he really likes them.



This past month's milestones:
- Commando crawling.
- Reaching for and moving towards toys.
- Saying Oh, da-da-da-da!

Favorite memories from the past month:
- His excitement when he sat in a highchair at a restaurant for the first time.
- Snuggling with him while I still can.  I know it's almost over.

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Jude's "Twin"

When we told our kids about Baby Sinko they were super excited, but Ella was shocked.  Knowing how all of this baby business works, and knowing that we said we were DONE after Jude, she was totally speechless.  The other two girls commenced playing and stopped paying attention. 

The conversation continued....

Ella: So...will Jude and the new baby be twins?

Me: No. Babies have to be in their Mom's tummy at the same time to be twins. But sometimes people call babies born less than one year apart "Irish Twins".

Ella: Oh. That's cool.

An hour later our friend from church, Joseph, dropped by.  Bianca ran stright up to him and said,

Bianca: Mommy has another baby in her tummy! Jude is going to have an EVIL twin!!!

We died laughing.  She has since said the same thing to a waitress, our pediatrician and a stranger in the grocery store.  Each time it gets more hilarious. 

#classicbonka

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Random SCHOLASTIC WAREHOUSE SALE recommendation

There's a SCHOLASTIC WAREHOUSE SALE coming this May. 

I went last fall and it was amazing! All Scholastic books are at least 1/2 off THE LOWEST PRICE and some are more. Also, if you spend $50 you get $10 off. 

Each Christmas our family chooses our favorite picture book of that year and buys one for each of Matt's siblings to share with their families (they all have small children still).  I got loads of holiday gifts for our extended family and close friends and stocked up for our own library. 

In case you're wondering the books we gave last year were...

Over and Under the Snow (6-10 years)

The Monster Who Lost his Mean (4-6 years)

The Underpants Zoo (under 4 years)

They have adult books as well as Picture Books - YA. (Last time I got the Hunger Games trilogy boxed set for $6!!) 

Go to this link and find one close to you and register to attend.  When you register you look up and identify your school. As long as you have volunteered (even once) at your kids school OR of you are a Homeschool Parent you may register to attend.

I wanted to pass this along since I left last year giddy like a crazy-person with a bag full of books (some of which were totally for me).

2

This week in Ahern Madness-adness-adnesssss.......

On Monday Matt had to stay late at work.  I ran a million errands.  Then I picked up Ella and Evangeline from the school bus and we headed to WalMart because I had been told THAT MORNING that Ella needed a sleeping bag for Girl Scouts that night. It was raining like crazy.  We grabbed a sleeping bag and headed straight to our local Texas Roadhouse.  There is a lovely woman who works there on Monday nights as a balloon animal clown. Her animals are AMAZING. Like, you've never seen anything like them.  Her husband has a rare cancer and has to fly to Texas each month for special treatments and Monday night was a fundraiser for them.  I dragged all 4 kids, by myself, because cancer sucks.  A lot.  When then raced to drop Ella at Girl Scouts. I headed home and collapsed.  Matt arrived home just in time to pick up Ella while I put the other three monkeys to bed.  I went to bed at 7:08pm. Seriously.

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On Tuesday I spent the morning hunting down small, glass, jars for party favors. I finally found the perfect, perfect, perfect ones. They were priced well, but the shipping was insane. I decided to pay it anyway. Then, while checking out there was a button to "Pick Up in Store". What store? Where? Turns out they only have one store/warehouse and it's in Lancaster (about 40 minute drive).  I packed up Jude and Bianca and we hit the road.  While there I spotted these amazing canning jar lids that I have wanted forever (but that are $1/each plus shipping on Etsy) for .32/each. I bought 20. My Mom would be proud.

We also stopped by the bestest Farmer's Market in the world and I got some cookies and my obsessed-over #10 apples from Stoudt Farms.

We raced home just in time to meet the older girls from the bus, grab some dinner and take Evangeline to her Girl Scouts meeting.  I fell into a heap on the couch and Matt went to pick her up.  Bedtime for everyone.

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Wednesday was the day I decided I had had enough of the excess clothing in our lives and I went through every. single. piece. of clothes our family has.  Washing, donating, organizing, repairing, tossing.  It took all day and I'm not quite done.  Jude decided to have a shrieking melt down the entire afternoon. We're talking high-pitched, ear-piercing, shrieks.  In related news I got a terrible migraine.  It was so bad that after his nap he tried to smile at me and I said, "Don't you even bother smiling at me after how you've behaved today, Jude Ahern. We're fighting!"


That evening was the Elementary School Book Fair. I just took the two older girls when Matt got home from work.  They had these cool picture cut-outs for the kids to pose in that no one was using. What?! Get fun, people!  We took full advantage of them.

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Thursday morning things had calmed.  I continued work on the Great Clothing Sort of 2014. I made plans and lists for things I needed to do/buy/create for the school's Spring Fair this weekend AND for the upcoming baby shower I am throwing.  And it's a BIG list.

Bianca is well into potty training and pooed her panties in the morning.  She has never yet successfully gone poo in the potty. Ever. I had purchased her a mini LaLaLoopsy doll and put it on a high shelf by the bathroom and let her know she could have it when the poo went into the potty.  No dice.  Today I finally told her I would be throwing it in the garbage if she didn't put her poo in the potty. I bathed both Bianca and Jude after the poopy incident.


In the afternoon Evangeline came to me and said

Eva: Bianca wants me to tell you she went poo-poo in the potty.

Me: I doubt it.

Eva: No. She really did.

ME: Did you actually SEE poo in the potty?

Eva: Yes.

Me: What?

I she had. There was much singing and cheering and high fives and the opening of a very wanted LaLaLoopsy doll.

When Matt got home we had dinner and then I fell asleep while he watched Ender's Game.

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Today, Friday, I am up and showered.  More laundry.  I am heading to the store for the supplies I listed on Thursday. I am baking two dozen lemon cupcakes and a red velvet cake for the Spring Fair cake walk and auction.  I need to buy two feather boas, make signs and add mustaches to sticks for the photo-booth.  Then I am heading to the school in the evening to set up for the Fair.

And, you guys, I'm growing a HUMAN.  I know.

I saw this quote in my Twitter feed from the Pope (yeah, he's got a twitter account) and it's getting me through this week.

5

Healthy Stuff: Decoding Sugar Speak

I honestly had no idea the difference between sugar labeling on foods until the last year or two. Here's what I wish I had understood as I began my weight-loss journey (I feel like I should say be-healthier journey instead, because it's definitely NOT all about weight-loss).

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Should we start with why too much sugar is no bueno?  Extra sugar your body does not immediately require for energy can easily be converted to triglycerides, a type of fat that can then be stored around your waist as well as in your hips and thighs. Sugary beverages, such as soft drinks and fruit-flavored punches, are the worst offenders because their liquid calories do not make you feel full so you just keep drinking and can even make you crave more

The sugar you eat eventually makes its way into your bloodstream, where it can elevate your blood sugar levels. The more sugar you eat, the more fluctuations you will have in your blood sugar levels. One of the damaging effects of a diet high in sugar is that it puts you at risk for developing type 2 diabetes. It can also cause headaches and migraines.

Eating too much sugar can seriously compromise the ability of your immune system to fight viruses, bacteria and parasites.  Eating sugar, either from table sugar, honey or unsweetened orange juice, depresses the immune system by about 50 percent for up to five hours. If you eat sugar at every meal, it means that your immune system will be functioning at half-capacity for most of the day.

Da-da-duuuuuummmmmm!

Alright, so here's a great place to start: Understanding product labeling.

REDUCED SUGAR / LOW SUGAR

This only means that the sugar is reduced form THIS BRAND'S regular item.  So Oreos that usually have way-way-too-much sugar now just have way-too-much sugar.

SUGAR FREE

This means a company has replaced refined sugar with something else. That "something" is usually an artificial sweetener.  It could be Splenda, Saccarine, etc.  This one is your call.  Many nutritionists are very anti-artificial-sweetener. You should weigh the pros and cons on your own.  Is fewer calories more important to your diet than the possible effects of an artificial substance?  I am not anti-Splenda.  I think it's fine in moderation, although I generally try and avoid it if possible.  For example, I'm pretty anti-soda, but if my husband is gunna drink Dr. Pepper, I would rather he drink Dr. Pepper 10 than regular Dr. Pepper.

NO SUGAR ADDED

This is my favorite option.  This means the company has not snuck sugar into their food.  Sugar is hidden EVERYWHERE. 80% of food items in US Grocery Stores are spiked with added sugar.  Ketchup, bar-b-que sauce, marinara sauce, salad dressing....everywhere.  I dare you to try and find a bottled marinara without sugar....it's pretty hard.  Now, going No Sugar Added can be a tricky switch depending on the food item.  No Sugar Added ketchup (Heinz specifically) tastes pretty different from their regular formula.  It a much less mellow taste.  And commercial No Sugar Added bar-b-que sauce tastes vastly different...it's really sour.  However, quality apple juice (like Minute Maid brand) tastes the same to me and No Sugar Added applesauce also tastes the same. Jams with No Sugar Added have a totally different texture. They seem lighter and less sticky.  You/your kids may hate the difference or not even notice.  Give it a try!

NATURAL SWEETENERS

Sweetened with Natural Sweeteners means a company has used an unrefined sweetness source to sweeten their product like honey or molasses.

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As with all diet-related things, sugar is not going to single-handedly kill your family.  Sugar is fine in moderation. And I think the first step (if you are looking to take one) is to reduce your family's intake of sugary drinks and trying some No Sugar Added products from the super market.

2

Book Love: Chapter 5 | The 3 Funniest Books Ever

Here's a very special edition of Book Love dedicated to the 3 FUNNIEST books I have ever read.  Now, I can't say I have spent tons of time delving into potentially funny books, but in the past few years I have read three books that had me snorting, gasping for air and generally peeing my pants.  And may I add, that I love, love, LOVE that all of these books happen to be written by women. Women are funny.

Humor is subjective and I read two books touted as being hilarious by friends and online reviewers that I didn't happen to find funny at all (Ketchup is a Vegetable and Hyperbole and a Half in case you're interested).  These 3 books might not match YOUR humor, but they are totally Laugh-Face-5000 to me....so....

1. LET'S PRETEND THIS NEVER HAPPENED

Author: Jenny Lawson

Content Rating: R

 

I have not read Jenny Lawson's famous blog too consistently before reading this book, so her voice and stories were very fresh to me. This book was hil-arious! I found myself almost having a laughter-induced asthma attack while reading the chapter about her work in Human Resources.

This book does contain many, many, many (did I mention many?) uses of the F word. So be aware that if you're sensitive to that. But, since I am not sensitive to that, it was just crazy-funny and a good read. 

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2. BOSSYPANTS

Author: Tina Fey

Content Rating: PG-13

If you are someone who generally thinks Tina Fey is funny then you will laugh out loud multiple times in the pages of this book. So why the 4 stars? It's pretty "adult". Yeah, I am an adult, but it was a bit crude/bawdy in many parts for me. So crude that I stopped reading? Heavens no! It's much too funny for that. But be aware that this is definitely PG-13 rated reading.

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3. IS EVERYONE HANGING OUT WITHOUT ME?

Author:  Mindy Kaling

Content Rating:  PG/PG-13

Holy hilarious!

Not so laugh-out-loud funny as the Tina Fey book, but really close and you feel less guilty since it's FAR less dirty. As you read you get the overwhelming desire to somehow, some way, become friends with Mindy in real life. In a very un-stalker-ish sort of way (is that even possible? Nope).

A definitely good and very funny read. 

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*for all of my Book Love recommendations click HERE.

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Numero Cinco - MUCHO Surpriso

This is a tricky post to write.  This blog is a true and honest accounting of my life and the life of my family.  But sometimes things happen that you know will turn out for the best in the end, but at that moment they are terrible and scary and your faith is rattled.

I would never want little Sinko to feel unwanted or unplanned.  (Yes, I am spelling the baby's moniker SINKO since I misspelled Quatro last time and also, my kid shouldn't have to share a hash tag with other kids....right?)  I am positive - 100% positive - that someday soon I will see exactly why we needed this amazing 5th child. How we never could have imagined life without our Sinko.  But this curve ball has thrown us for a loop and that is the beginning of this story.

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Last October after we had little Jude our family felt complete. I felt a calm come over me and also an invigoration - we got all of the kids here safely, now it was time to move forward and make our lives great.  I wanted to embrace this finality and bring more order to our lives through my own hard work and effort.

We were confident in our decision that our family was complete. 4 kids was what God intended for us. 4 kids is a LOT.   4 kids is all I can handle.  Because of our confidence in this decision we decided to look into permanent options for the curtailing of future babies.  

During those discussions I said to Matt, 

Me: If God himself appeared to us, in a daylight vision, and told us we needed to have a fifth baby...would you do it?

Matt: No.

Me: Me neither. Let's tie or snip or whatever and end this.

So we made an appointment for January 31st.  We felt good about it. It felt right. 

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On the evening of January 30, the night before our appointment, I found out I was pregnant. God loves irony.

I sobbed and sobbed, then felt guilty for sobbing.  Little Jude was 3 months old. The new baby's due date is a WEEK before Jude's 1st birthday, but they will do a c-section a week before that....so the end of September. My pregnancies are AWFUL, TERRIBLE, and BRUTAL. I am always sick as death and usually hospitalized at least once. The last two pregnancies included bed rest.

So far I have been shell-shocked and terrified. It is not an option for us to end the pregnancy. We will have this baby, but how can we? We didn't tell anyone for a while, not even family, since we both felt we needed  time to process this new development.  Two weeks later the violent, non-stop, vomiting started. Here we go again.

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On February 24th I had my first OB/GYN appt.  It was a terrible day. I threw up 3 times before noon. Then I loaded Bianca and Jude into the car and headed to the new OB/GYN office (our OB with Jude is moving out of State). 

I threw up in the parking lot of the medical building in front of a very nicely dressed business man who was only trying to innocently check his email on his laptop and couldn't have known his early afternoon would include this much unexpected vomit.  I entered the building, found the office, put Jude's car seat on the floor and approached the front desk.  I pretty much shouted at the receptionist, "I'm Emilie Ahern for a 1 o'clock appointment...where's your bathroom I'm gunna throw up!!!"  Then I bolted into the bathroom to make my daily vomit count an impressive 5.

Every other time we have had that very first ultrasound with a new baby I have stared at the tiny lima-bean on the screen and my heart melted.  There's our baby! I would think as I stared at a tiny blob on the screen.  I was certain that would happen again and it would magically melt away my doubts about baby Sinko.  I saw the baby. I felt nothing.  Then, the customary guilt.  I should be happy. So many of my close friends have fertility problems. They would give anything for a baby.  But the fact remained, I didn't want a baby.
 

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Weeks have passed and now everyone knows we are pregnant.  People's first reaction is hearty laughter, which I don't mind. It IS pretty funny. People then reassure us that we can do it and that this is clearly God's will. I'm trying, but I'm not there yet.  In my mind I can put all of the pieces together and make this God's plan for our family, but in my heart I struggle daily. This is not what we planned and also not what we wanted.  Like I mentioned earlier, I am positive that someday we will see exactly why we needed this, but that day hasn't arrived yet.  When people say Congratulations! I still feel a bit awkward and embarrassed.

There are moments when I think it will be okay. Moments when my faith shines brighter than my doubt. Those moments are becoming more frequent. But my constant state is fear and doubt and uncertainty.  I don't know if I can be a good Mom to 5 kids. I don't know if I'm equipped to handle it. I don't know how I will survive the next year or so with an infant and a 1-year-old.  I can barely manage now - will another child push me over the edge of insanity?  We all know other women who have done it and done it better. Women who raised 13 children while their husband was off to war while also knitting afghans for orphans.  But I am not those women. I am me. 

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This post is much more melancholy than I had intended, but I suppose that's exactly the truth. I look forward to the day when the thought of this baby brings a thrill of excitement. Maybe this baby is the best thing that could ever happen to us. I am sure I will thank God a million times over in the coming years.  We will just do our best and leave the rest to God.  I do believe that families are central in God's plan for His children.  I believe nothing is more important to Him. I believe that families can be together forever, not just in this life, but also after we die.  Families are an eternal unit.  I believe that because families are so important that God doesn't make mistakes.  He is not casual in his decisions about sending babies to earthly families.  And He has not made a mistake with his little (or should I say BIG) Ahern family either.  There is a reason, of that I am certain.  And only time will show us exactly what that perfect reason is.

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