*Because everyone thinks their love story is the first, best and most romantic - I give you the epic tale of 'Emmy Loves Chachi'...a drama-filled, chubby girl meets punk boy, twist and turn heavy, unlikely love story in serial form.
A Fast Friend & A Fortuitous Flu
Day one of telemarketing training at Convergys was exactly the torturous, banal, drudgery one might imagine. Team building exercises, getting to know you games, decorated name tags straight out of elementary school. I went through the motions with dread, boredom and detachment. Sure, I'll pretend to want to memorize my neighbor's name, but I won't actually remember it because I have a plan. I am here to work and earn money and nothing else.
Day two seemed poised to be a banal re-run of the same (as did every day stretching before me for the coming 3 weeks). I sat down, averting my eyes as to not make eye contact with any other human being. I didn't want any shared glance to make someone believe I was even remotely interested in speaking to them or becoming friends. I was in this icy state when the chairs next to me were suddenly occupied by two college age girls wearing huge smiles and calling me by name.
"Hey Emilie!! We wanted to come and sit by you because we saw you yesterday and thought you seemed totally fun!!"
Ummm...I did? I could not have possibly mustered any less enthusiasm during yesterday's training if I was comatose. This was a stretch at best. Regardless, when confronted by such eager enthusiasm and compliments, what can you do? I smiled and asked their names.
The friendship initiator (and clear leader of this two-girl pack) introduced herself as Lolly. She had long fiery red hair that was tied into two low pigtails. She wore glittery, bright colored eye make-up. Her clothes were similarly fun and bright and her entire frame buzzed with energy. The sheer openness in which she approached me reminded me of a simpler time when lasting friendships were forged on elementary school playgrounds with such simple and effortless exclamations as "You like stickers too? Wanna be my friend?".
Years later we all long for those days when friendship was based on the declaration of that intent and nothing else. That time before the self-consciousness of adulthood has made us unable to approach others with such abandon. Lolly's generous amount of freckles and playful persona instantly transformed everyone back to that time and drew you to her like a moth to a flame. I was no different.
Lolly and I became instant friends. Fast friends. BEST friends. In the years to come we would live together, laugh together, cry together, go through relationships, break-ups, a divorce, abuse, skinny-dipping, the addictions of loved ones, online dating, marriages, babies, infertility, arguments, sleep-overs and everything in between. I love that she is the beginning of my love story. But back to the story.
This same week I came down with a nasty flu-like illness. I couldn't afford to miss work and after a week I was still not recovering. I finally decided to visit my Stake President (an upper clergyman in the LDS faith) for a Priesthood blessing. Priesthood blessings are a wonderful part of the LDS faith which give you an opportunity to receive direction and blessings from God, help during sickness and other wonderful things. I was there for the sole purpose of seeking some sort of physical healing for this illness. I explained that to the Stake President. During this blessing he spoke to me of God's love for me, of the fact that the illness would quickly dissipate and then there was a long pause. I thought we had pretty much covered the bases of what was needed...right? I expected an ending to the blessing (which ends with an 'Amen' as prayer does). It didn't come.
And then the silence broke. Carefully and with grave intention I was told because I was faithful to God's will and always tried my best I would be given a special gift (of sorts). God would give me the desire of my heart, whatever I decided that was. I was cautioned to be careful what I asked for because it would surely come true. Then the ending came with a swift 'amen'. I sat stunned. The Stake President was silent. He finally said he had never had that happen before, but felt with his whole heart that it was what God wanted for me. I left his office reeling.
This occupied my thoughts in every waking moment. What did I want? What was the desire of my heart? Was this a test? Should I ask for something for someone else? World peace? A cure for cancer? Would it be selfish to ask for something that was actually for my benefit? My finite mind could not wrap around this open-ended option. I had to really decided what my soul's desire was and that's trickier than you think. It requires peeling back layers and layers of superficial thoughts and desires to come to the core of your belief systems, your motivation, your goals and desires for life.
I grew up with a single mother....and a single Grandmother...and a single aunt...and an unmarried 40-something uncle. These people made up the entirety of my world as only your family can when you are between the ages of 4 and 11. Not only were the influential women in my life all divorced, but they were also all pretty angry about it. Without realizing they were doing so, they communicated in a million ways that their husbands had betrayed them, that they were better off without them and that (at least to my mind) men were expendable. I don't want this to seem harsh or critical. My mother and Grandmother were strong women. Capable women. They soldiered on and raised their children on their own to the best of their abilities. And that is absolutely amazing. I don't know how anyone does it alone. I am in awe of single parents and the task before them. But my young mind processed these strengths and abilities as a way of life with no additional spouses necessary...in fact, these women were better off without men altogether.
Add to this a childhood filled with serious abuse, emotional trauma and low self esteem. I had dared not hope for what I really wanted. But there it was, underneath layers of insecurity and uncertainty and disbelief in the institution of marriage. At the core of my heart and soul it hid for years, unspoken and unimagined.
Finally, one night I knelt by my bed and I spoke to God. I told him I was ready to tell him my heart's desire. It was this,
"I want to be married to someone for forever. And I want to marry someone who is nice. I don't care when this happens, but if it's possible could it be soon enough that I could have at least two children? If not, I'll settle for just the husband."
I think I may have thrown in a 'thy will be done' at the end for good measure and to seem holy. Looking back it is interesting to me that in all of the thinking and soul-searching I did, that to me the epitome of what a good man and good husband would be could be boiled down to the simplest of terms: nice. Just nice.
I emotionally set myself up for the long wait. After all, I said it could happen whenever as long as it happened eventually. Little did I know the unfolding of God's response to my request was already in the works.
