*Please Note: This post is my advice to my children and is something I feel very strongly about. I know some will disagree with my sentiments. Please keep your comments respectful, even when you disagree. If you beat the odds...HOORAY! Share your story.
Girls, you will someday begin dating (after you are 16 years old of course) and you may think you are in love. You will be swept away with feelings, excitement and the giddy rush of romantic infatuation. During this time you will feel SURE that this is the person you want to be with. BUT...
Give marriage the sanctity it deserves by dating a potential spouse for at least one year and, if possible, wait until after you are at least 21 years old to marry.
Point 1 - Love is exciting and wonderful, and marrying the one you feel that way about is the BEST! But a marriage that can sustain the tests of time and trials is one built on a solid foundation of compatibility and a mature understanding and depth of knowledge about the one you are marrying. Rushing into a decision about whom and when to marry is a mistake of the immature. Be patient. If this person is right for you, a year of dating and seeing each other through different situations and coming to know each other fully before marriage is an investment well spent and shows true maturity.
Let me share a wonderful quote from an inspired man...
"If you wish to marry well, inquire well. Associations through 'hanging out' or exchanging information on the Internet are not a sufficient basis for marriage. There should be dating, followed by careful and thoughtful and thorough courtship. There should be ample opportunities to experience the prospective spouse’s behavior in a variety of circumstances. Don't let yourself get caught up in the moment by jumping into marriage when you're still in the stage of infatuation and attraction. Take the time necessary to allow your relationship (and knowledge of the one you're dating) to properly form into a sure foundation." (Dallin H. Oaks, "Divorce," Ensign, May 2007, 70–73).
Point 2 - Don't rush into marriage at an early age. Years spent at college are the the craziest and most fun years of your life. They are also a time when you adapt to living with roommates and learn skills necessary to provide for yourself like paying bills, cooking, cleaning and being self-sufficient. An education will enrich your mind and broaden your sense of self.
I strongly believe that knowing yourself and who you are before you wed will make your marriage stronger and more fulfilling. Standing on your own two feet as you become an adult will help you weather the storms that periodically assail marriage and family life. Live, have fun, work hard, see the world, backpack through Europe, cram for finals, be independent. You don't want to miss those amazing life steps by entering marriage before the age of adulthood.
Will you meet couples, amazing couples, who beat the odds and have a wonderful marriage despite marrying quickly and young? Of course. But remember that they "beat the odds". In a time when the sanctity of marriage is crumbling all around us, give yourself the greatest chances of sustaining an eternal marriage by being patient, wise and careful in your choice of your mate and the age at which you marry.
You will never regret taking your time to truly and deeply come to know someone you wish to spend your life with. But many regret rushing into marriage and finding out later that there are many things they wish they had known about their spouse before entering into marriage.
Remember . . . true love is patient.
