Have you ever...

Have you ever had a Botox injection?

I'm thinking about it. Seriously. Just one problem spot. The crease between my eyes that first appeared after my LDS mission...knocking on doors and getting rejected leads to a lot if brow furrowing I guess.

I'm a bit freaked out by the thought.
Have you done it?

7

Too cool for fame

Now displayed in a Jo-anns Fabrics near you:  
my adorable kid on the scrapbooking end cap. 

Go check it out in your store!

By the way...Ella is totally UNimpressed. She still remembers a time when she was in multiple magazines every month and when her Mommy was on the cover of a magazine we bought at WalMart.

Fame is so normal for her.
 

5

A to Z Reading Challenge 2012

Can she do it?!

I have slacked a bit on the reading this year (well, I mean, we did move and change jobs and start a new school and travel to Utah and appear on a major television news program and have a major operation and all that).

So now, with four weeks left in the year I have five books left to read.
I think I can do it, but we'll see.

I am now accepting your book recommendations for a possible A to Z 2013.
Leave a comment with the book title and author.

Note:  I am not really a "fantasy/sci-fi" genre reader. Or romance. Sorry.

I do really like having YA and kids' novel books on my A to Z lists, so if you know some good ones...

But really any recommendations would be great, no matter what genre.

6

This week in Parenthood

Oh. My. Gosh. People.

Evangeline cut her own hair last week. It was a clear bid for attention.  She is so easy.  So easy, in fact, that I have been focusing my attention on her anxious older sister and monkey-style younger sister.  I made my little Evangeline into a sad, sad, Jan Brady.

Sadly, she has been working SO HARD and SO LONG to grow it out and it was beautiful.  The big, round curls of soft red hair were divine.  And she hacked a large chunk along the front and sides that could not be hidden with layering.  I tried, but what ensued was an Eastern-European style mullet.  Sigh.

So tonight it came off.  To a bob.  She is traumatized.  She cried and cried.  Hopefully that means she won't ever do this again.  It is still wet in this photo, so I am sure the curls will sping up much more once it dries tonight.

I almost cried. I really did.  Her beautiful long hair is gone.  Double sigh.

4

The post where I talk about my child having an anxiety disorder while I'm secretly freaking out about it.

If you read this blog, you already know.  It's been creeping up for years.  As a child, Ella was always cautious. It took us forever to get her to try a kiddie slide at the park for the first time.  We really noticed her anxiety growing around the age of three, when we moved from Utah to Delaware.

All of the sudden she was terrified of fireworks on the 4th of July, something she had loved the years before.  She was terrified of her swimming lessons and of loud noises. She was suddenly terrified of dogs.

As she turned four and we moved to Lancaster, PA her fears continued to grow.  She shied away from any and all new experiences. She disliked crowds and situations where there were many unknown variables.  Soon, she was suddenly afraid of parades. 

During these outings, when her fear would take over, I was frustrated and even a bit angry.  She was ruining our family's fun. Destroying my well laid plans with her irrational fears. Why couldn't she just get happy?  Didn't she trust that we, her parents, wouldn't let anything bad happen to her?

We continued along with life, cringing at the bouts of apparent grouchiness that accompanied family experiences which were new.  Each time we approached a new house her fear of dogs would take hold, causing her to cry and crouch on the ground a safe distance from the front door until the coast was clear.  This is when I started to become truly worried.  I called my awesome father-in-law who is a Clinical Psychologist, and asked him how we could help her overcome her fear irrational of dogs.  We took his advice, visiting pet stores and trying to introduce her to dogs within a safe environment. It helped a bit, but not really too much.  Soon, life took over and I just let it go, explaining to others that our child was deathly afraid of dogs.

Then we moved again.  This time from Lancaster to West Chester, PA.  A week or so before our scheduled move, Ella awoke in the middle of the night with a horrid UTI (Urinary Tract Infection).  This runs in my family so I wasn't shocked.  The poor girl sat on the toilet for hours and hours on end, sobbing.  She had some final play dates planned with her favorite friends.  She could not enjoy them. She spent that time sitting on the toilet, crying and wishing she could get off the toilet to play.  I was heartbroken for her.  I would wake up in the morning and find her asleep on the toilet.  I took her to the doctor and we did a urine test.

They finally called on day three of the torture.  She had no infection.  At all.  I was stunned.  I could not believe it.  I very carefully proposed to Ella that maybe this was caused by worrying.  The pain and toilet time continued.  And so did the crying.  We made our move and three days after arriving in West Chester, Ella came to me quietly and said, "Hey Mom, remember when you said maybe the pee problems I had were from worrying?  I think you were right.  The pain is starting to go away".

We got a book from the library called What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety. It was amazing and walked small kids through their anxiety problems in an easy to understand way.  I highly recommend this book (there is actually an entire series of these workbooks which cover Negativity, Anger, and OCD).  We implemented some of the tools in this book.  They helped. A bit.  Then, soon, she started resisting the tools and coping strategies.  Slowly, the anxiety crept back, and with it, a self-destructive frustration on Ella's part that the strategies weren't working for her.

I then read Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child's Fears, Worries, and Phobias at the recommendation of my friend Kirsti. I found this book very difficult to wade through. It was chapter after chapter of heavy research stats on children's brains and the cause of anxiety. I came away feeling as frustrated as ever.

After the school year started I took Ella to a new Pediatrician for her 2nd Grade physical. We discussed Ella's fears. The Pediatrician was taken back by the story of the phantom UTI and suggested that Ella see a child psychiatrist or clinical therapist for her problem.  The doctor said the words "Acute Anxiety". Although not an official diagnosis (not yet anyway), the words pierced my Mother-heart.

It's not like I became a mother thinking it would be all baking cookies and reading books at bedtime to clean and obedient children.  I didn't.  I knew there would be fleeting moments like that, but I knew this Motherhood job would be tough. And long. And hard. And rewarding.  But this is not something you expect.  It never occurred to me that my child might be consumed with anxiety.  So much so that her body, under this extreme anxiety, could produce symptoms of a full-blown UTI.  But there it is.

This week we planned a special surprise for our kids.  On Friday evening we pulled up to our local movie theater with tickets to Wreck It Ralph.  Ella and Evangeline had both seen the previews on TV and said they wanted to see it, but at the sight of the theater Ella began to cry, and then hyper-ventilate, and then vomit. We returned the tickets and went to eat frozen yogurt instead.  I learned something valuable that evening.  This kid is not good with surprises.  When, just months ago, our family saw Brave in the theater (which is freakin' scary, by the way) this week the thought of seeing a movie on a big screen terrified Ella.

This week I researched children's therapists in the area. This week I realized that this isn't going away.  This week I accepted that my child is not necessarily a "regular" child (whatever that means).  My child suffers from Anxiety and we have a lot of work ahead of us.

UPDATE:

Lots of you have asked for resources that have helped us. Here are three that are extremely helpful.

1. A Child Therapist.  I realized after Ella' formal diagnosis that, to a point, there are only so many  books a parent can read. Books and info can REALLY help, but you really need a Child Psychologist.

2. The Anxiety Cure for Kids: A Guide for Parents and Children  I highly recommend this book.  It has great reviews on Amazon because it has really good information for parents.

3. What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety.  This book has been hugely helpful for Ella.  it's a workbook for young children that clearly explains their condition, gives practical tips for kids to use, and is also fun!

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buy this book!

i know it's too late,
but you gotta buy this book.
i don't care if you don't have kids,
if you never plan on having kids
or if you freaking hate kids.
buy it.

seriously. it's the coolest book ever.
we got it from the library today,
read it to the girls,
and five minutes later i had purchased
the hard back from amazon.com

4

The Plight of Motherhood

After this week's high of the successful Tooth Fairy caper, came the realizations I needed to bring me back to reality.

Evangeline has been acting rather strangely this week.  I sat down with myself and pondered what it could be.  I realized that, because she's the "easy one", the amount of attention she gets in a given day is minimal. All of my time is spent controlling the Mayor of Monkey Village, Bianca, and working for hours after school with Ella as struggles through her homework.

I sat down with Evangeline and asked her what was bothering her.  She burst into tears.  She sobbed as she explained that no one spends time with her, is happy for things she does or pays attention to her. My suspicions were confirmed, but that didn't lessen the guilt and regret I felt for letting her needs slide by the wayside.

I apologized and vowed to do better.  All the while my mind raced. How could I facilitate having a chunk of meaningful time with her each day?  How could I get everything done I needed to? I would need to organize, prepare and make time.  I felt a bit overwhelmed, but determined.

Then, last night, were Parent/Teacher conferences. 

Evangeline got a rather glowing report. She is excelling in every aspect of Kindergarten.  And her teacher made special reference to her amazing skills at art and firmly suggested we enroll her in a extra-curricular art program. 

Then we visited Ella's teacher.  I was prepared to hear that she was making good progress, but still struggling in reading.  I knew that. we have worked so hard and real progress has been made, but she is still catching up. 

I was unprepared to hear that she was also struggling in almost every other aspect of school.

Out of 19 Learning Related Behaviors she is performing well in.....five.  I was caught completely off guard.  There was also mention of teenager-like eye-rolling and facial expressions....not surprising.

Ella's teacher is wonderful.  She was positive, helpful and gave us great suggestions for assisting Ella in her schooling, but I left feeling completely overwhelmed.

How can I, as one Mommy, meet the growing needs of all of these children?  It doesn't seem that there are enough hours in the day.  Matt is wonderful and helpful, but the brunt of these changes will rest on me and I feel entirely inadequate.

And in the grand tradition of unnecessary and self-imposed mommy-guilt, I felt that I had been failing my children.  Failing to meet Ella's academic needs. Failing to meet Evangeline's emotional needs.  And failing at maintaining an organized house (which has almost nothing to do with this topic, but moms like to throw extra guilt-fuel to the fire when in this state and I'm no exception).  I came home and looked at the growing pile of laundry, the half naked toddler and the dirty kitchen table and sank further into this mindset. 

I feel much more hopeful this morning, but still overwhelmed and a bit underwater. 

One thing is certain. This motherhood business is NOT for the faint of heart.

8

The Tooth Fairy is from New Mexico

It finally happened.  After weeks of twisting, turning, pushing and pulling Ella' very first loose tooth, it finally came out!  Here's the full report.

About two weeks ago Ella let us know her tooth was loose.  Ever day after that she pulled, tugged, wiggled and moved it. To no avail.  It would not come out.  I noticed a new tooth behind it, trying to find a space to come in so we needed the old tooth out.

I pulled. She pulled. Daddy pulled.  We gave her apples and caramel to eat. No lost tooth.

Even so, I prepared.  On Nov 15th I went with my girlfriends to see the final Twilight movie. We arrived an hour early, so I took a bag filled with supplies and made Ella' a tooth fairy pillow to hold the tooth once it decided to finally let go.  I found a super-cute pattern on the Wild Olive blog to make a tiny version.  I printed it, scanned it, enlarged it and took it with me to the theater.

It was hurting poor Ella every time she tried to eat regular food.  This week I found this letter to the tooth fairy in her room:

"Dear Tooth Fairy, My tooth has been hurting. Can you fix it or make it come out please? I have a pillow and the pocket with the tooth in it is in the back of the pillow".

Finally, last night I saw that this poor tooth was hanging on by a thread.  I asked Ella if I could wiggle it. She said sure and came over, dutifully opening her mouth.  I reached in and popped it out!  No pain, no tears no blood.  She was SO happy!  She hung her pillow on the end of her bed and went to sleep.

After she went to bed I started working. I hopped on the computer and made a tiny envelope, including stamp, postmark, dates and address.  I put the Tooth Fairy's return address as "Land of Enchantment" only to be told later by Emily Foley and her sister Ellen that that is the New Mexico state motto!  Then I typed a tiny letter from the Tooth Fairy (using this free font).

I got a bunch of white glitter (having already explained to Ella that the Tooth Fairy uses kids' teeth which she collects to make fairy dust) and poured it into the folded letter before slipping it into the envelope.  I sealed it up, grabbed a crisp $5 bill (we only give $5 for the FIRST tooth, $1 for subsequent teeth) and headed upstairs.  I poured the glitter around her room and into the pocket that held the letter and money.  She slept on...undisturbed.

This morning at 5:45 am there were squeals of delight from upstairs.  Ella and Evangeline raced down, filled with excitement to rehearse the morning's discoveries.  Ella remarked, "Mom! Now I know teh Tooth Fairy is real because you never could have made such a tiny letter and stamp!"

Ummm...does she not know me at all?

It was delightful to see the magic and wonder of childhood and faith and believing!

7

NOT awesome

Do you want to know what's NOT awesome? 

Painting three coats of craft paint onto 25 little advent drawers, 
then arranging them into the advent frame 
and realizing you only painted three coats of craft paint 
onto 24 little advent drawers. 

The question hangs in the air: 
where is the missing drawer?

4

Thanks for the Memories

1

this & that thursday

Mario Batali acts way too snooty

for a man who exclusively wears orange crocs.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -

Tonight I am going to see the new

Twilight movie with a bunch of girlfriends.

Because a fun night with girlfriends

is worth two hours of mild torture.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  - 

Anyone seen Wreck It Ralph yet?

Do tell.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  

I'm pretty jealous that I don't live in Utah and, 

therefore, can't attend the Bijou Market.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  - 

 Last night's FB status update:

7:32 pm - There's a lot of suffering in the world, 

but I can't help but think of what a 

tragedy it is that we can't find the remote.

9:45 pm - Seriously, the lost remote situation 

has reached 'threat level midnight'.

Then this morning:

11:27 am - It came to me in the shower, 

in a moment of maternal clarity. 

I knew EXACTLY where the lost remote would be. 

And sure enough... 

 

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  

I cannot even stand waiting until December 1st

because this year we are making and living our

very first amaze-pants daily Advent calendar.

Oh my gosh, guys. It's going to be epic.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  - 

As it turns out, pretty much all flour,

except white flour, bakes up with a

lead-like consistency.

-  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  -  - 

Did you know that the child-actor

who plays "Luke" on Modern Family is a genius?

He's a member of Mensa.

Seriously.

4

she wants rollar skates

Ella wants rollar skates for Christmas.
Apparently the 80's are calling her name.

We found a good pair on Amazon, but they're $30!
Seems kind of expensive
especially when you consider
that we would also need to get her a full padding kit.
Knee pads, elbow pads, etc.

Chachi and I will have to discuss this present.
Do your kids have rollar skates?

5

Does God cause car accidents?

Last month I was in the car, headed to Target for some groceries, with Evangeline and Bianca in tow.  I was stopped at a red light along a stretch of Highway.  When the light turned green I gently pushed on the gas pedal and then

BANG!

We got rear-ended.

I glanced into the second seat where both the little girls were strapped tightly into their car seats and seemed completely unaware that anything had happened.

I was in the left hand lane of a three lane highway so I put on my hazards and got out to motion to the other driver to follow me until we could find a place to pull over.  The other door opened and then I saw her.  A 50-something women, well dressed, crying her eyes out and shaking.  I immediately said, "It's okay!  It's okay.  Just follow me."  She nodded and we carefully made our way a mile or two down the road where we could pull off the highway and into a used car parking lot. 

Her eyes were red and her small frame crumpled as she sobbed.  "I am so sorry!" she choked out between jagged tears.  "Is everyone okay?"

"We're fine.  Everyone seems just fine".

Some part of me, maybe the mothering part or the tender-hearted part, ached for this woman.  We really were fine and I found myself switching into a unintended mode of comforting this woman.  I placed my hand on her arm and said, "It's not too bad. Everything is going to be okay. I promise."

She inhaled and her words quickly tumbled out, "I am from out of town and this is a rental car and I don't even know if my husband got the insurance.  I wasn't even talking on my phone. I don't know what happened. I guess I am just not completely all together right now.  I am in town for my Father's funeral. I was on my way to buy...(sob)..a..(sniffle)..black...(choke)..dress".

"Oh, I am so sorry about your father.  I am so, so sorry." I said as I put my arms around her and hugged this complete stranger who had just crashed into the back bumper of my car.

We surveyed the bumper of my van...still equipped with the temporary license since it is so new (to us).  A few scratches decorated the bumper, a dent below the back hatch handle and the black runner along the bumper was pushed upward, preventing me from opening the back door.

(this is the extent of the bumper damage)

We exchanged information. She talked to my kids and remarked on their cuteness. She apologized over and over again and each time she did I tried to ease her worry with kind words.  We were fine, the car was minimally damaged, everyone does this once in a while, everything will be okay.

She threw her arms around me one final time before she left, still shaking.

When Matt got home from work that day he surveyed the bumper and pushed the black runner back down, allowing us to open and closer the hatch.  I contacted our insurance, filed the claim and they took it from there (Holla at Progressive!).  As the weeks went by I forgot all about the accident.  The car was fine except for a few, very small, scratches.  A week ago a man from the other driver's insurance came to my home, took photos of the bumper and mileage and left.  Easy.  Then we waited, not sure how to proceed.

Meanwhile our bills piled up.  Since our move over the Summer we have remained in a state of constant catch up with our bills, trying to pay them as they came and struggling to get to level ground again.  Many prayers, tears and worries filled my mind as we did our best to find our footing financially.

And then, last week we got a letter from the other driver's Insurance stating that they assessed the damage at $1400 and that's what they were willing to pay a mechanic to fix the damage. That seemed crazy pricey.  But it seems the bumper is part of a molded panel that covers the entire back of the car.  So the entire back panel would need replacing to fix the few small scratches.  I read the letter over and over, not sure what to do next.  Do we take it to a mechanic and then they bill the insurance? Do we pay and then get reimbursed?  I called our insurance company and left a voice mail on Friday, wondering what the next step was.  And then Friday afternoon we got the mail.

On the top of the stack was a letter addressed to me.  The open cellophane window showed a check-like document inside.  We have all received this junk mail with a phony check for $500 off you new car! I opened it and there was a check, made out to me, from the other driver's insurance for $1381.70.  After about 10 seconds discussion, Matt and I decided that the minimal scratches on our van bumper could stay there and we could use this money as an answer to prayers to get our bearings financially.

I entered the house, went to my room and quietly prayed, thanking God for this unexpected blessing.  Turns out, getting rear-ended was the best thing to happen to us in months.

5

Life Lesson #11: Reciprocation Expectation

To my girls,

On my mission a companion and I had the following dialog...

Companion: When I was at Snow College I had 5 roommates.  Every time it was one of their birthdays I blew up balloons, made banners, wrapped gifts, cooked special treats and treated them to lunch.  I made each birthday a party.  When it was my birthday nothing happened. Not anything.  My roommates wished me a happy birthday, but that was all.

Me: Oh my gosh!  That's so lame!  It's not fair. You worked so hard to make their day special!

Companion:  No. It wasn't unfair. It was perfectly fair.  I had to learn that what you chose to do is up to you, but you can never, never expect reciprocation. Because you can't control what is important to others.  If you want to make a big deal of their birthday, that's fine. But they might not care about their birthdays. And they may not ever do something for you in return.  That's just life.

I was initially blown over by the injustice of this.  But then I thought about it more and more and I realized she was right.

It's a hard life lesson I have to re-learn. Again and again.  Doing something nice or going the extra mile does NOT mean I can have any expectations for reciprocation.  I already know this.  I have learned this the hard way over and over again.  But it still hasn't sunk in.  

I make this mistake ALL the time.  Making sure we send a gift and a card for birthdays to every single niece and nephew does NOT mean our kids will ever get anything on their birthdays in return.  It's so obvious. Right? You should do what you want with no thought to reciprocation. It's life 101. It's gift-giving 101. 

Sometimes, I hate my inability to remember this simple fact.  Because the hurt feelings are MY fault.  Not anyone else's fault.

* For more LIFE LESSONS click here.

5

Mormon Fail

The Aherns are always 
SUPER reverent 
during Sacrament Meeting. 

Always. 

2

A thankful...er...7 days.

Okay.
I'm sick of being so damn thankful.
Blog series concluded.
Feel free to be disgusted by me.

6

my child wore this to school yesterday

she capped this off with black sparkle flats.

and i didn't fight it.
i gave up that fight sometime last year.
if it's modest and doesn't smell bad she can wear it.

10